"Don't you hate these things?"

I sat on the ledge of the patio, sipping a rum and diet coke, and I said to Adrian with a completely straight face, "At least this is going to make a GREAT blog." He burst out laughing and the corners of my mouth turned up.

My husband has all kinds of interesting colleagues, most of them just working grunts in the music industry like himself. ; ) But some of them are Very Fancy Famous People, and last night, we went to a Very Fancy Event at one of their beautiful houses. The kind of event with valet, and models gliding around. In the car on the way there, I suddenly got This Feeling, a premonition that the night was going to unfold awfully, and I could see it coming like a tidal wave. I don't know if it was just an educated guess I knew several couples were going to be there whom I hadn't seen since Valentina's funeral. or if I should be playing the lottery, but the outcome was the same- everything I feared would happen, happened, and then some.

Where do I even begin?

1- As soon as we walked in, one of the girls at the entry table handing out fundraiser programs was a girl I went to high school with isn't that usually awkward enough? and - wait for it - she was probably nine months pregnant. Great. Yes, pregnant women are still hard for me to see, with their belly-rubbing and their glowing and naivete. Sigh. But hey, not so bad right?

2- We start mingling, ordinarily something I'm good at, but in a millions-of-dollars home and around such Fancy People, my insecurities take over bigtime. But I'm just obviously not in the best state right now to make cocktail party chit chat. And I'm also starting to feel underdressed even though what I'm wearing was acceptable.

3- Now for the one-two punch. We bump into someone Adrian knows, a regular at These Things, and Adrian introduces us. As he shakes my hand, he tells me congratulations. *punch* I'm slightly under the influence at this point so I kind of fuzzily confusedly say thank you and then realize - OMFG - He means CONGRATS. Like, congrats on the baby. "Congrats on the death of your baby!" I think wildly, and feel like fainting. I pretty much drag Adrian to the bar before this guy can ask any questions about life with a newborn and ruin all of our nights.

4- The bartender isn't much better. He is making chit chat as he mixes our drinks, and at one point he asks if we have kids. I was just telling a fellow angel mama that I haven't encountered this question yet. BAM! My time has come. I open my mouth with my freshly prepared and rehearsed answer and Adrian says, "No, we don't." *punch* I know he's saying it because it was just a side-question related to what he was talking about, and I know Adrian only said no because it didn't matter if this kid knows we had a baby or not... but it still shook me. All of it.

5- The awkward conversations. Usually talking about Valentina with people we know isn't bad. I enjoy doing it. I'm not afraid to talk about her life or her death or how we are coping. But in that specific situation, in a place that, while beautiful, is making me feel very small, especially after that one-two punch Congrats!.... Do you have kids? it was almost impossible to have a normal conversation about her.

6- The child prodigy who sang Hallelujah. Little girl with guitar singing beautiful emotional song- enough said. I tried to escape to the indoors to avoid the emotional impact, but everyone inside was silent too, listening to her.

Ready for the grand finale?

7- I'm mingling, totally buzzing from my trips to the bar, chatting with my dear friend, the Wife of Someone Fancy and Famous, when some performers come out to sing a duet. Music had been going on all night, but it got my attention when the male in the duet busted out a Phantom of the Opera mask, and a woman joined him. I turned to the Wife and I said, "Wife, if they start singing the song my husband and I sang together for our wedding... I am going to lose my shit." It would have been just Too Much To Bear. So, of course they did. I could see my husband across the pool chatting with someone... and then looking around for me as he heard the song and realized what it was. We caught each other's eyes and looked sadly across the way. He made his way over to where I was and we decided to get the hell out of there.

In no way do I mean any disrespect to the amazing hosts of the event. It was truly lovely. Those things really aren't my thing though. The home was lovely, everyone there was wonderfully sweet, the music was beautiful, the food and drinks incredible... It was just a very very huge undertaking for me to experience as my first real Social Event since the baby died.

Thank GOD for the Wife of Someone Fancy and Famous. She truly saved my ass, keeping me company, ducking off to hide with me while we drank and escaped the heat. She doesn't enjoy These Things either. :) God, I love down to earth people. She and her husband are so humble and real. They were at V's wake and funeral too, and gave us a lovely customized memorial gift. *Happy sigh* I would have truly lost it if it weren't for them.

Well, I feel much more prepared now lol. That was a lot of emotion to deal with for one night. And now its done.